


it's okay to let loose and be blind

by kyungsoo_sama (orphan_account)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Humour, Romance, foRGIVE MEH I HAD TO, my brain pooped this out, stomach situations oh no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 03:09:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8649286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/kyungsoo_sama
Summary: jongin was having a very bad day, because, (a) stomach troubles, (b) a cunt named baekhyun  who makes poison and (c) a blind date! how cute! ugh. like, why, god, why?





	

**Author's Note:**

> also on [aff](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1196842) and [lj.](http://kyungsoo-sama.livejournal.com/9589.html)

jongin should have known better than to try out baekhyun's new attempt at being nigella marven. _broccoli potato lasagna_ , or some shit like that. he shouldn't have touched with a bean pole, but then, he was piss drunk so he must have been numb to the taste. in fact, he thinks he can remember himself appreciating baekhyun's work. oh, for the love of satan's donkey, twenty-three year old jongin must have been very shitfaced indeed to have appreciated baekhyun's 'cooking'.

  


and so he didn't sleep a wink that night, sprinting between the bathroom and his couch, his digestive system expelling a great many things which didn't even look like food remnants. he groggily brushed his teeth in the morning, looking at his sickly-pale and dark-circled visage before him in distaste and general tiredness. he'd have to sleep it out this saturday, no brunching and no partying today. he'd had enough of alcohol for the month anyway, netflixing and drinking the last night away with his asshole bestie, baekhyun. he walked over to his fridge's minibar to pour himself a stiff gin and tonic, dropping a tiny wedge of fresh lemon in it as well. alcohol had always helped him hit the sack faster.

  


he brought the little glass closer to his lips, sitting at the counter and staring at the rest of his shared apartment with the look of a zombie losing its 'life'. he'd hardly taken a sip, when he remembered: _oh fuck! jungah's appointment._

  


he looked at the little wall clock: _8:30? shit, i'm late!_  he stuffed his little drink back into the fridge and scurried into the bathroom, taking a quick, cold water shower(he almost died), and dried himself. he pulled out a white t-shirt and some slacks, and covered himself with a blazer. he ran his fingers through his hair and deemed himself to be good enough for the blind date jungah had set up for him. it wasn't like he had to impress anyone anyway. hey, it's his sister's taste we're talking about: she'd probably chosen some forty year old geezer with a perverted mind and a shitload of cash, being the insufferable gold digger she was. jongin, despite all his love failures, still believed that he would one day meet his knight in rusty armour (because a shiny one meant that the lazy fucktard didn't use his armour). he didn't believe in blind dates or destiny, however. those slow-build fluffy shit was what he liked to believe in.

  


he was putting on his shoes and socks, when a sharp pain shot up his gut. he ran once again to the toilet, cursing baekhyun and all his ancestors for the next few minutes. how was he to survive this uncomfortable, stuffy, unnecessary, BLIND date, with fucking diarrhoea? he slipped on those pointy leather shoes he'd borrowed from baekhyun and made his way to the metro-line, clutching his stomach and twiddling his toes every once in a while to breathe some life back into them, because the pair of shoes had  _Uncomfortable Limited Edition, Bitch!™_  engraved all over its soul(sole?) like its actual owner.

  


jongin literally ran accross to  _bubbles n' muffins_  cafe, a quaint sunny place which served some mean caramel lattes and brown sugar muffins. and because his cousin jungah herself owned it, she always added extra sugar for him. fuck healthy diets. tonic and sucrose for the win! it was unusually empty for a saturday morning and as he stepped through the glass doors, he could only spot one shiny black bowl cut amongst the rows of comfy sofas and coffee tables, turning away from hm, glancing at a phone probably, and drinking a large cup of some coffee. the old sot couldn't even wait for him. unfashionable bastard.

  


a high pitched voice called after him as he made his way to mr. bowl cut's table. "jonginniee~~~ you're half an hour late!" jungah's voice was activating his poop system again. he clenched his butthole in pain to stop exploding in a fart. or worse, a shart. mr. bowl cut turned towards him, probably recognizing his name. but _oh fuck no_ , was his cousin now making him date a fucking high-schooler? maybe he's some chaebol kid. that face couldn't be a day older than twenty, tops.

  


the other kid stood up, smiling and greeting jongin. his fair face brightened with a smile as he saw jongin walk towards the table, ignoring jungah, who was screaming from behind the counter about _jongin how could you be so tardy, did you drink again, how could you make myeonnie wait for so long_....wait, why was she trying to sabotage his blind date again? did she want this chaebol kid? go ahead, it didn't matter to him anyway. wait, it did matter to him, a little. the kid's smile was too bright and genuine to ignore, so he had to return one. jongin walked up to him, smiling throught his diarrhoea pain, holding out a hand.

  


"nice to meet you! i suppose you must be kim junmyeon?" jongin received a tiny, soft hand in his, a homely warmth seeping into his cold fingers.

  


"yes, and you're jongin. i'm so sorry, i ordered a coffee before you, i didn't think you be la-

  


"never mind", jongin smiled back. "i'm rather lucky you stayed. i mean, you must have thought that i stood you up."

  


junmyeon's eyes widened rather funnily, making him look more like a kid, and making jongin feel like the geezer in this scenario. "no. no! never, why would i think-

  


"hey, don't deny it. you probably thought what an asshole i was, leaving his blind date as lonely as a ghost." jongin mused, taking a seat. 

  


"hey!" junmyeon interjected with a cute whine as he took a seat opposite to jongin. "i wasn't lonely!"

  


"admit it, kid." jongin said with the patronizing tone of an elder brother, which was rather tough to maintain especially with the raging nuclear war inside his pants. no, i'm not talking about a boner. ew, that would be oddly pedophiliac. we're talking about the fag end of his digestive system. jongin's brow furrowed for a second, giving away his slight anus-related issue.

  


"is there a problem?" junmyeon asked softly, worry creasing through his dark beetling brows. he leaned in closer, and if jongin wasn't concentrating on clenching his butthole into an airtight ring of muscle, he'd be staring at the other guy's plush strawberry lips. 

  


"no, no", jongin was quick to add, trying to placate junmyeon's fears so that he wouldn't look like gassy old fart. wait, he  _was_  indeed a gassy old fart, compared to this kid. he squirmed some more in his seat. 

  


"hey", junmyeon started. "you don't look too well, though."  _well. no shit, sherlock._  jongin thought bitterly. but at least the kid showed some concern. jongin could hold on no longer. it was do, or die. he had a max of forty-five seconds before his anus could hold in the poop any longer.

  


desperate times call for desperate measures.

  


he whips out his phone discreetly, and opens the music player.

  


_TOUCH MY BODY, BODY! TOUCH MY BODY, BODY! TOUCH MY BODY, BODY! TOUCH MY BODY WoOoOoOoOoO~~_

  


well. sistar was spouting out some overly suggestive lyrics, but it would have to do. he breathed out, "i'm sorry i have to take this call!" and scurried to the bathroom behind the coffee shop.

  


"isn't that just your music player acting up?" but jongin was nowhere to listen.

  


lord, the comfort when you just let loose. phew. the toilet's exhaust fan wasn't switched on, and he was sure that all the gross splattery sounds, grunts, and groans could be echoing distinctly through the cafe's walls. but he didn't give a shit. literally. 

  


after a few minutes of letting loose and generally patting his stomach, jongin inwardly squealed in delight as the pain had disappeared without a trace. he slowly raised his ass off the toilet seat after everything and slipped on his pants slowly. after he'd composed himself, he heard a soft knock on the door. must be jungah. he owes her one for her shop's availability of sanitary facilities. patting his stomach with uninhibited pride, he swung open the door. "finally, all gone and flushed down!"

  


 

  


only to be faced by wide-eyed junmyeon who was trying to hide his smirk behind his sweater paws.  _well...._ his date couldn't get more awkward and inconvenient, of course. well, how wrong he was.

  


"you could have just been truthful, you know?" junmyeon said, between those cute giggles which fell out of his plump lips. jongin could only stand, paralysed by embarrassment. "it's not like i haven't tried all the tricks in the book before. if you'd just told me as it is i would've dropped you hom-

  


"how can i take a little kid like you to my house?" jongin spit out with indignance, and a bit of putdown-ish authority. "what will people think of me? a pedophile?"

  


"little....kid?" junmyeon, asked, stretching the pauses as though he was hearing it for the first time. "how old are you, jongin?"

  


"i'm turning twenty-three this january." jongin said, lifting his chin up smugly, despite the weird bathroom scenario he was in right now.

  


"wow, you're rather handsome for a youngling." junmyeon was smirking again. "no wonder you don't know to escape a blind date though. you're too young."

  


"waaaaiiiit-", jongin cut in. "who are you calling 'youngling', kiddo? i just came here to please my sister, who, as usual, set me up with someone who's either an old rich fart, or a high-schooler like you with a shit ton of inheritan-

  


"let's start over." junmyeon said, interrupting his rant. "nice to meet you, i'm kim junmyeon, cfo of saranghaja entertainment, thirteen years since i completed high school, thank you very much." junmyeon was giving themselves another chance, but he seemed like he couldn't stop himself from laughing a little at jongin. well, jongin deserved it anyway for being such a horribly shitty date(ahem). but then he connected the dots...."what the fuck, you're thirty?!"

  


junmyeon looked up into his eyes with warmth, and jongin  _finally_  started seeing junmyeon's beauty. his knight in rusty armour, someone who might be worth being destined for. wow, junmyeon was not _handsome_ , he was fucking _hot,_ and jongin was an idiot to have not realized it, and anyone should be prancing in joyous maori war dances for getting an oppurtunity to spend the rest of his days dicking away with this hot piece of ass.

  


"now, now, run along, kiddo, we have a date to finish!"  _slap on the ass._

  


wait, so jongin was actually on a date with a perverted old geezer. he's so fucked.

  


(if so, he'd be glad.)

 

fin.

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly don't know what came over me i had to write about pooping jongin bye. kms.


End file.
